Labyrinth of the Mind

I have been feeling a little numb the past few days. I am not sure what I am feeling. I keep feeling the need to get on here and write something, but how does one write about something when I don’t know what I am feeling? I just feel this need to write something. Scream into the virtual void…but I don’t know what I am screaming about.

I have been feeling so uncomfortable lately and out of breath. Like at any moment I need to run or hide or disappear. I was at work alone all day today with a few visitors, but when I got home I still didn’t want to talk. I wanted things to be quiet. But I can’t have things quiet because people want to talk to me. My mom wants to know how my day was. She wants to talk about her day. I get on the game and my brother is and our friends are shouting but it feels rude to just leave the chat and mute everyone.

Over the weekend I couldn’t even sit at my computer with out my mom coming in constantly to ask me or show me something.

At least my dog just wants to sit beside me and be close. She is a good girl.

I just feel like everyone needs me in some way.

But then when I get a chance to have quiet…I need a video on YouTube to play so it’s not too quiet. Music just pisses me off right now. Everyone talks about how music is their go to, their escape from the noise of the world. Some days music just pisses me off and nothing sounds good. It just feels overwhelming and I want silence, but when I get silence I need a podcast to listen to. What is wrong with me?

I don’t even know where this post is going. My brain feels chaotic and I need a vacation from everything. I want to find a quiet house, in a quiet location, just my dog and me, a computer, some books, and no phone. I don’t even want internet. I need tv, maybe some movies or something. But just me and my dog and silence for a little bit. No one asking for anything from me or needing anything from me. No obligations for just two seconds.

Life has not calmed down in so long. I just want a little calm with no storm after.